Drowning

OK, so many people have commented on my recent facebook statuses (most of which have been very bleak), so here's the whole messy story out once and for all.

I went to work on Saturday and was out in the community with my client when I received a phone call from one of my coworkers (newly appointed supervisor, actually) asking me to come in to the office after dropping off my client. I agreed, feeling in my gut that something was wrong. I took my client home and headed to the office, stopping on the way to take a panic pill because I just couldn't shake that feeling that this meeting was not going to go well.

I was right.

I was informed (by a painfully shy, stuttering new supervisor) that I had violated HIPPA regulations by talking about clients to a non-employee and that I was being terminated. I asked for clarification in who did I talk to, when and where did this supposedly happen, etc. I was told that I had talked about clients to my friend D (not Diane) at Wal*Mart 2 days earlier. I was confused because, to the best of MY knowledge, Deni was a coworker who was just on maternity leave. I explained this to S and G (who is D's mom and another supervisor) and was informed that she was not an employee and therefor talking to her about clients was illegal (actually a federal offense). I tried explaining that I had no way of knowing this and therefor it was not really an offense at all and was very curtly told that it didn't matter and that I was terminated effective immediately. I was also told that simply talking about clients with ANYONE off work hours was a violation of HIPPA (which I know is untrue). If this were the case, everyone of our employees, supervisors, and the owners themselves would be in violation and be "federally accountable." I have since been told that this company has been looking for any excuse to get rid of me because I'm too smart for my own good and repeatedly called them on inappropriate and sometimes illegal actions (can you say Medicaid fraud???) and they were afraid that I would report them (and do they really think that firing me is going to stop that????).

So it's been a very rough weekend compounding a very rough few months as far as money, health, and general sanity has been concerned. I appreciate the love and caring thoughts that have been sent my way. I am rallying and making the best of the situation and I am determined to survive. It's what I do. I improvise, I adapt, I overcome (oh wait, that's the Marines! heehee). I think Kay Sue said something about bootstraps and carrying on and what not.

I will get my health problems under control. I will stabilize my moods with therapy and medications. I will find a new job. I will get myself back into school. I will make it.

There is no other option.

Infinite Worth

My therapist asked me to think about my strength, specifically the source of my strength, my capacity to forgive and love despite a history of being hurt. I thought about it a lot. I journaled about it. I wrote a poem about it. I talked with D about it. Then I decided to pray about it. That should have been my first course of action, but I'm still getting back into the habit after my period of NOT doing it ever. This picture is what came to mind. My source of strentgh comes from my faith in the Lord and my status of "Infinite Worth" in His eyes. It is because of His love of me that I am able to love others. It is because of His strength that I am strong. It is my worth in His eyes that helps me see the worth of all those around me. I am nothing without Him. And I'm forever grateful of that fact.